A Spanker's New Years Resolutions

10. Teach spanking classes at local community college. Use complicated graphs and flow charts. Ask for frequent student volunteers.

9. Build more walls, allowing more space for corner time.

8. Read more books, then use them as spanking implements. Special emphasis for Pulitzer and Booker finalists (they have more pages).

7. File for worker's compensation at work; claim "spanker's cramp."

6. Invent new sound effects for spanking fiction. Retire "Thwackk" or at least add an extra "K" for variety.

5. Lobby to create a "red state." Not for Republicans...for spankos.

4. Invent new lies to tell neighbors--e.g. "Those loud noises? I'm just building an ark."

3. Submit "OTK" to O.E.D.

2. Stock more guest pillows. Not for sleeping, for sitting.

1. Discover the joys of switching.........over to decaf once in a while.



Happy 2008!