Kailee explains it all

Is there any big shot spanking model who doesn't have a blog these days? That is, aside from Jessica Alba.

(What, you didn't know that Jessica was a spanking model? Get real. You think people actually like her for her razor-sharp performances in the Fantastic Four movies?)

Anyway, the latest comer to the blog scene is the thoughtful and inquisitive Kailee:



She asks a series of questions on her first post:

1. "What is it that creates the separation between [spanking and BDSM]? Or am I wrong in thinking that there is not a combined interest?"

I usually just cut out the middleman and go straight for the spanking, but hey, if someone needs to wrap themselves in vinyl and leather first, that's okay with me. It's coming right off anyway. I will say that I find dungeons rather drafty.

2. "Does it lessen a spanking model's credibility if you were to see them playing the role of a naughty schoolgirl one day then adorned in leather garb and strapped to a St. Andrew's cross the next. Is there a certain purity attributed to a Spanking Model's choice that you feel one should adhere to in order to gain your intrigue?"

It's true that I'm far more into spanking than other kinks, but as long as a spanking model stays out of Adam Sandler movies, I really don't care if she shakes up her resume a bit.

3. "Does it lessen the effect the spanking has if sex is entered into the mix?"

Errrr...no. That's like saying that pepperoni lessens the effect of pizza. I mean, I get it, straight-up discipline scenarios and all that, but come on people, let's not get carried away here.

Kailee's blog, and more of her kink-related ponderings, can be found on her MySpace.

The face of evil: The Spanker

Being a spanko as well as a curious soul, I've always been interested in pop culture representations of spanking--at least since I was ten or so.

(Yes, I started with my spanking fixation early. You got a problem with that?)

One of my favorites occurred in an old '70s comic book called Howard the Duck. This was obviously a comic that didn't take itself very seriously, and it often featured deliberately ridiculous supervillains. In one issue, a group of villains discussed their origins while roasting marshmallows over a campfire. Among their number was the most fearsome comic book villain of all time...The Spanker!

What was the origin of such a frightening adversary? Click the image and read for yourself:



The Spanker subsequently takes a male policeman over his knee and paddles him, which I'm sure amused someone but I was not impressed. Fortunately, later in the issue, the Spanker does the same to Beverly, Howard the Duck's hot female (human) sidekick. Now that spanking I didn't mind reading about. And re-reading. And re-reading. And...



As you can see, the fun was interrupted by a dumb superhero who thought that Beverly being spanked was a BAD thing.

Say, maybe spanking IS immoral. This was the only time where I wanted the bad guys to win...

Reason to spank a cheerleader

Disciplinary:

When spelling out the name of their high school, they simply need to learn that "high" isn't spelled with a "Y."

Late to practice.

Early to practice (should have been doing homework).

On time to practice (smart alecs).

Bottom line: Cheerleaders are used to being popular, and that means they bend the rules. We may not exactly be sure what they're doing, but by gum, it's something. Better spank them just in case.

Practical:

Due to their constant exercising, they're in good shape. So their backsides are perfectly suited for helping round down the edges of an imperfectly sanded paddle.

Ever seen a pyramid of recently spanked cheerleaders? One thing's for sure; they don't fall down.

The yelps and crying improves the lungs, leading to more robust cheers and therefore excellent school spirit.

No pain, no gain.

Bottom line: It helps improve the squad's talents considerably. And that means a successful sports season.


Aesthetic:

Is the school color red? Their bottoms are going to be peeking out of the edges of their panties anyway--so why not match up the color schemes?

Tear stained faces lead to a healthier glow.

Spank an alto cheerleader at the same time as a soprano cheerleader; you can get some nice harmonizing.

A spanked cheerleader is far better office accoutrement than, say, one of those singing fish on the walls.

Bottom line: If Paula Abdul had been regularly spanked back when she was with the Lakers, she wouldn't be such a fright today.

Class dismissed!

Forever blistered in blue jeans

Why is it that a pair of tight jeans is almost as tempting as the smooth curve of a bare bottom?



That world of inviting, ocean-blue denim--perhaps slightly whitened from fade or wear and tear--beckons the palm as much or even more than the pink frosted gleam of an unspanked backside.

Ever wonder why John Updike won a Pulitzer Prize for his fiction? I believe it was this passage from Rabbit, Run:

"'Right,' he replies smartly and, in a kind of mindless follow through, a kind of flower of coordination, she having on the drop of his answer turned with prim dismissal away from him again, slaps! her sassy ass. Not hard; a cupping hit, rebuke and fond pat both, well-placed on the pocket.



She swifly pivots, bringing her backside to safety behind her. Her freckles dart sharp as pinpricks from her shocked face . . . her backside had felt so good, just right, dense yet kind of springy, kind of smacked back."

Good job, John! Pulitzer well deserved. Such is truly the feel of denim beneath the skin, that powerful incursion against the thin blue line that jealously guards its territory.



And yet, "spanking over the jeans" is more complicated than it used to be. Have you noticed that? They don't have "regular" jeans anymore. Now they’re all "easy fit" and "low riders." Listen, there’s nothing "easy fit" about jeans that are designed to barely hang off the edge of your hips, showing everyone your underwear. There is no Calvin Klein. It’s now Calvin Crack.

What kind of spankee wears these various style? I think the labels tell the whole story:

"Loose Straight"--A girl who wears these jeans would be classified as a non-bisexual leaning young woman who is a little quick to divest herself of her maidenly honor. Prescription: a sound paddling until the seat of her pants is well and truly threadbare.


"Low Rise Straight"--A girl who wakes up in the morning on the floor of her bedroom after a night of drunken debauchery. Prescription: First over the jeans, then a sound bare bottom tanning.

"Classic Fit"--A girl who fits snugly over the knee, jeans and all.

Now that last one? That's a style of jeans-centered spanking I can get behind. If you'll pardon the expression.

SPANCK Tank

First of all, a genuine apology to whomever posted this first. I saw this on another spanking blog and it completely cracked me up, so I saved the link. Do I remember which blog it was? No, because I have Alzheimer's and also because I suck. However, you get the credit, whomever you are.

Nevertheless, please permit me to share this genius video with my readership. All six of them. Thanks, and drive safely.

UPDATE: I finally remembered...it was Chross in his June 8th update. I should have known...he finds everything first. Sorry man, and kudos for the excellent find. This video is so much better than the third Spider-Man, Pirates, and Shrek that it's not even funny.

Almost practically nobody puts baby in a corner

The problem with mandating corner time is dealing with the complaining. This can even occur after a spanking, when the recalcitrant young lady foolishly risks additional punishment by arguing. But despite this pending danger to her already besparkled backside, she often puts up more resistance to the idea of corner time than to the spanking itself:

"But it's so boring!"

"Please, can't we skip it?"

"Can't I stand at the kitchen and clean dishes at the same time, so I'm getting something done?"



Well, excuse me--I didn't realize this was PLANET BRAT, and we were all just revolving around your atmosphere. I deeply regret shattering your carefully maintained delusions, just as much as I regret waking up a sleepwalker. However, it must be done, so let's be clear...NO NO and NO.

Just as there is no crying in baseball, there is NO multi-tasking in corner time. There is standing and looking, and that's it. End of story.

Now I am not heartless, so I present--free of charge--these ideas for spankees to occupy themselves while engaged in corner time:

1. Study the walls carefully. If you see chips in the paint, perhaps you can offer to caulk and re-paint them later. Wouldn't that be nice of you?

2. Silently recite that poem they taught you in grade school. Poe's "The Bells" or the Canterbury Tales or whatever.

3. Mentally put together your next shopping list. Don't you need a dozen eggs?

4. Think how less boring this is than watching the last hour of "Return of the King" again.

5. Play an imaginary game of mental tetris. Darn those wacky blocks!

6. Why not take some time to truly appreciate the wall? It's a nice wall, and you don't get enough quality time with it.

7. Practice astral projection. Hey, you never know when it might actually work.

8. Think about how you're going to be good in the future....what? What's so funny?

Name game

I learned recently that some well-known spanking models aren't allowed to use their famous "stage names" when they work at other companies, presumably because that model's brand is too important to use in service of the competition. For this reason, Kailee from Real Spankings shot under the name "Christine" when she worked for Girls Boarding School.

I mean--Christine? Christine is not that girl's name. Christine is the name of an evil car from Stephen King. Kailee is Kailee. Except, y'know, for the fact that it's not actually her name.

It seems to me that spanking companies using the model's "brand name" should be a lot like bloggers linking to each other. It doesn't decrease your own brand or awareness; rather, it shows a sense of community as people in the industry share the same talent and all gain together from that model's fan base. Models should be encouraged to keep their stage names, not change them.

I did some investigating, and realized that several well-known models have also been forced to change their names when they work for different companies--and frankly, I'm just aghast.

For example, Amber Pixie Wells has been shooting under the name Condoleeza Rice.



Really, I think things have gone too far when a well-known model has to assume the identity of the Secretary of State. It's also unfair--I really wouldn't mind seeing Condi spanked for most of her policies, but this is pure deception--a bait and switch. I don't blame Pixie but c'mon, let's stop the madness.

And then there's Lizzy Madison, who has been shooting under the identity of the Marvel Comics superhero, Iron Man:



"Hey, I might as well protected my butt if I'm forced to be someone else," Lizzy has been reported saying. "Good luck spanking me through all that armor."



And finally, Sierra Salem has been shooting under the name...uh...Sierra Salem.

"It's my real name," Sierra says. "My parents liked trees. I also have a brother named Juniper and a third cousin named Eucalyptus."

I also have unsubstantiated reports that Samantha Woodley is shooting under five different names at the same time for an artsy erotica video called "Spanking Sybil: Curing Multiple Personality Disorder through Corporal Punishment."

(P.S. Okay, I'm new at this blogging thing so I've gotta check--everyone knows that I'm kidding and made up all these model quotes, right? Just making sure. Being sued for character defamation is the bad kind of disciplinary action.)