Tim Spanks the World

Kailee explains it all

2008-04-12T22:05:00.000-07:00

Is there any big shot spanking model who doesn't have a blog these days? That is, aside from Jessica Alba.

(What, you didn't know that Jessica was a spanking model? Get real. You think people actually like her for her razor-sharp performances in the Fantastic Four movies?)

Anyway, the latest comer to the blog scene is the thoughtful and inquisitive Kailee:

She asks a series of questions on her first post:

1. "What is it that creates the separation between [spanking and BDSM]? Or am I wrong in thinking that there is not a combined interest?"

I usually just cut out the middleman and go straight for the spanking, but hey, if someone needs to wrap themselves in vinyl and leather first, that's okay with me. It's coming right off anyway. I will say that I find dungeons rather drafty.

2. "Does it lessen a spanking model's credibility if you were to see them playing the role of a naughty schoolgirl one day then adorned in leather garb and strapped to a St. Andrew's cross the next. Is there a certain purity attributed to a Spanking Model's choice that you feel one should adhere to in order to gain your intrigue?"

It's true that I'm far more into spanking than other kinks, but as long as a spanking model stays out of Adam Sandler movies, I really don't care if she shakes up her resume a bit.

3. "Does it lessen the effect the spanking has if sex is entered into the mix?"

Errrr...no. That's like saying that pepperoni lessens the effect of pizza. I mean, I get it, straight-up discipline scenarios and all that, but come on people, let's not get carried away here.

Kailee's blog, and more of her kink-related ponderings, can be found on her MySpace.

The face of evil: The Spanker

2008-04-12T21:09:00.001-07:00

Being a spanko as well as a curious soul, I've always been interested in pop culture representations of spanking--at least since I was ten or so.

(Yes, I started with my spanking fixation early. You got a problem with that?)

One of my favorites occurred in an old '70s comic book called Howard the Duck. This was obviously a comic that didn't take itself very seriously, and it often featured deliberately ridiculous supervillains. In one issue, a group of villains discussed their origins while roasting marshmallows over a campfire. Among their number was the most fearsome comic book villain of all time...The Spanker!

What was the origin of such a frightening adversary? Click the image and read for yourself:

The Spanker subsequently takes a male policeman over his knee and paddles him, which I'm sure amused someone but I was not impressed. Fortunately, later in the issue, the Spanker does the same to Beverly, Howard the Duck's hot female (human) sidekick. Now that spanking I didn't mind reading about. And re-reading. And re-reading. And...

As you can see, the fun was interrupted by a dumb superhero who thought that Beverly being spanked was a BAD thing.

Say, maybe spanking IS immoral. This was the only time where I wanted the bad guys to win...

Reason to spank a cheerleader

2008-04-12T21:07:00.001-07:00

Disciplinary:

When spelling out the name of their high school, they simply need to learn that "high" isn't spelled with a "Y."

Late to practice.

Early to practice (should have been doing homework).

On time to practice (smart alecs).

Bottom line: Cheerleaders are used to being popular, and that means they bend the rules. We may not exactly be sure what they're doing, but by gum, it's something. Better spank them just in case.

Practical:

Due to their constant exercising, they're in good shape. So their backsides are perfectly suited for helping round down the edges of an imperfectly sanded paddle.

Ever seen a pyramid of recently spanked cheerleaders? One thing's for sure; they don't fall down.

The yelps and crying improves the lungs, leading to more robust cheers and therefore excellent school spirit.

No pain, no gain.

Bottom line: It helps improve the squad's talents considerably. And that means a successful sports season.

Aesthetic:

Is the school color red? Their bottoms are going to be peeking out of the edges of their panties anyway--so why not match up the color schemes?

Tear stained faces lead to a healthier glow.

Spank an alto cheerleader at the same time as a soprano cheerleader; you can get some nice harmonizing.

A spanked cheerleader is far better office accoutrement than, say, one of those singing fish on the walls.

Bottom line: If Paula Abdul had been regularly spanked back when she was with the Lakers, she wouldn't be such a fright today.

Class dismissed!

Forever blistered in blue jeans

2008-04-12T21:06:00.003-07:00

Why is it that a pair of tight jeans is almost as tempting as the smooth curve of a bare bottom?

That world of inviting, ocean-blue denim--perhaps slightly whitened from fade or wear and tear--beckons the palm as much or even more than the pink frosted gleam of an unspanked backside.

Ever wonder why John Updike won a Pulitzer Prize for his fiction? I believe it was this passage from Rabbit, Run:

"'Right,' he replies smartly and, in a kind of mindless follow through, a kind of flower of coordination, she having on the drop of his answer turned with prim dismissal away from him again, slaps! her sassy ass. Not hard; a cupping hit, rebuke and fond pat both, well-placed on the pocket.

She swifly pivots, bringing her backside to safety behind her. Her freckles dart sharp as pinpricks from her shocked face . . . her backside had felt so good, just right, dense yet kind of springy, kind of smacked back."

Good job, John! Pulitzer well deserved. Such is truly the feel of denim beneath the skin, that powerful incursion against the thin blue line that jealously guards its territory.

And yet, "spanking over the jeans" is more complicated than it used to be. Have you noticed that? They don't have "regular" jeans anymore. Now they’re all "easy fit" and "low riders." Listen, there’s nothing "easy fit" about jeans that are designed to barely hang off the edge of your hips, showing everyone your underwear. There is no Calvin Klein. It’s now Calvin Crack.

What kind of spankee wears these various style? I think the labels tell the whole story:

"Loose Straight"--A girl who wears these jeans would be classified as a non-bisexual leaning young woman who is a little quick to divest herself of her maidenly honor. Prescription: a sound paddling until the seat of her pants is well and truly threadbare.

"Low Rise Straight"--A girl who wakes up in the morning on the floor of her bedroom after a night of drunken debauchery. Prescription: First over the jeans, then a sound bare bottom tanning.

"Classic Fit"--A girl who fits snugly over the knee, jeans and all.

Now that last one? That's a style of jeans-centered spanking I can get behind. If you'll pardon the expression.

SPANCK Tank

2008-04-12T21:06:00.001-07:00

First of all, a genuine apology to whomever posted this first. I saw this on another spanking blog and it completely cracked me up, so I saved the link. Do I remember which blog it was? No, because I have Alzheimer's and also because I suck. However, you get the credit, whomever you are.

Nevertheless, please permit me to share this genius video with my readership. All six of them. Thanks, and drive safely.

UPDATE: I finally remembered...it was Chross in his June 8th update. I should have known...he finds everything first. Sorry man, and kudos for the excellent find. This video is so much better than the third Spider-Man, Pirates, and Shrek that it's not even funny.

Almost practically nobody puts baby in a corner

2008-04-12T21:05:00.004-07:00

The problem with mandating corner time is dealing with the complaining. This can even occur after a spanking, when the recalcitrant young lady foolishly risks additional punishment by arguing. But despite this pending danger to her already besparkled backside, she often puts up more resistance to the idea of corner time than to the spanking itself:

"But it's so boring!"

"Please, can't we skip it?"

"Can't I stand at the kitchen and clean dishes at the same time, so I'm getting something done?"

Well, excuse me--I didn't realize this was PLANET BRAT, and we were all just revolving around your atmosphere. I deeply regret shattering your carefully maintained delusions, just as much as I regret waking up a sleepwalker. However, it must be done, so let's be clear...NO NO and NO.

Just as there is no crying in baseball, there is NO multi-tasking in corner time. There is standing and looking, and that's it. End of story.

Now I am not heartless, so I present--free of charge--these ideas for spankees to occupy themselves while engaged in corner time:

1. Study the walls carefully. If you see chips in the paint, perhaps you can offer to caulk and re-paint them later. Wouldn't that be nice of you?

2. Silently recite that poem they taught you in grade school. Poe's "The Bells" or the Canterbury Tales or whatever.

3. Mentally put together your next shopping list. Don't you need a dozen eggs?

4. Think how less boring this is than watching the last hour of "Return of the King" again.

5. Play an imaginary game of mental tetris. Darn those wacky blocks!

6. Why not take some time to truly appreciate the wall? It's a nice wall, and you don't get enough quality time with it.

7. Practice astral projection. Hey, you never know when it might actually work.

8. Think about how you're going to be good in the future....what? What's so funny?

Name game

2008-04-12T21:05:00.003-07:00

I learned recently that some well-known spanking models aren't allowed to use their famous "stage names" when they work at other companies, presumably because that model's brand is too important to use in service of the competition. For this reason, Kailee from Real Spankings shot under the name "Christine" when she worked for Girls Boarding School.

I mean--Christine? Christine is not that girl's name. Christine is the name of an evil car from Stephen King. Kailee is Kailee. Except, y'know, for the fact that it's not actually her name.

It seems to me that spanking companies using the model's "brand name" should be a lot like bloggers linking to each other. It doesn't decrease your own brand or awareness; rather, it shows a sense of community as people in the industry share the same talent and all gain together from that model's fan base. Models should be encouraged to keep their stage names, not change them.

I did some investigating, and realized that several well-known models have also been forced to change their names when they work for different companies--and frankly, I'm just aghast.

For example, Amber Pixie Wells has been shooting under the name Condoleeza Rice.

Really, I think things have gone too far when a well-known model has to assume the identity of the Secretary of State. It's also unfair--I really wouldn't mind seeing Condi spanked for most of her policies, but this is pure deception--a bait and switch. I don't blame Pixie but c'mon, let's stop the madness.

And then there's Lizzy Madison, who has been shooting under the identity of the Marvel Comics superhero, Iron Man:

"Hey, I might as well protected my butt if I'm forced to be someone else," Lizzy has been reported saying. "Good luck spanking me through all that armor."

And finally, Sierra Salem has been shooting under the name...uh...Sierra Salem.

"It's my real name," Sierra says. "My parents liked trees. I also have a brother named Juniper and a third cousin named Eucalyptus."

I also have unsubstantiated reports that Samantha Woodley is shooting under five different names at the same time for an artsy erotica video called "Spanking Sybil: Curing Multiple Personality Disorder through Corporal Punishment."

(P.S. Okay, I'm new at this blogging thing so I've gotta check--everyone knows that I'm kidding and made up all these model quotes, right? Just making sure. Being sued for character defamation is the bad kind of disciplinary action.)

Line up

2008-04-12T21:05:00.001-07:00

I hate standing in line. I've actually made a habit of leaving work a little early--say, 11 a.m.--to avoid the lunch lines. Similarly, I try to go grocery shopping earlier in the day and avoid the mad crush of people.

And the DMV? Well, now it's great because you can do most DMV transactions over the web. Back in the days before the Internet? I refused to get my license updated; I just stood outside the DMV building and threw rocks.

What does this have to do with spanking? As always, spanking is the exception that proves the rule. I love lines that have to with spanking.

This Sassy Bottoms piece features girls who are a bit young for my taste, but definitely gives you the idea. Waiting in line. Anticipation. Seeing the girls in front of them getting a good hiding. Then the after-effects--huddling against the wall, crying to themselves. And then the cycle starts over again.

Many of you may have seen this Brian Tarsis drawing recently, since Sierra posted it fairly recently at her site. But it perfectly encapsulates the fantasy. Crowded around, watching the spanking, fearing it, facing it, and then having to deal with it afterwards.

Tarsis is a genius in the way he's able to depict this dynamic Let me tell you, if I could draw something more than a squirt gun out of my left hip holster, I'd draw something just like it.

In sum: supermarket lines are bad. Cocaine lines are bad. Age lines around my eyes are...well, neutral, but I could probably do without them. Spanking lines are very, very good.

Rule of law

2008-04-12T21:04:00.003-07:00

Many of you are already coming here from the blogtastic and link-generous Bonnie anyway, but if not, you have to see her hilarious additions to my list of phrases that make a spanko take notice.

One item on her list is legal-sounding terms such as "corrective measures" or "punitive damages." This made me realize that there's a lot of spanking subtext brimming beneath the stiff, jargon-laded legalese of our courtoom system.

And really, aren't lawyers just a bunch of repressed spankos anway?

One of my play partners a while back was a personal injury lawyer--beautiful, early thirties, loved wearing her business suit, and loved being over my knee to have her bare bottom turned raspberry red. In fact, the real problem was trying to make the spanking stick as discipline. When she asked permission to masturbate (still over my knee with the spanks raining down), I'd have to say "No. Not until you receive 30 more spanks and count each one and don't squirm." That restriction, and the agonizing anticipation of thwarted release, seemed to help the matter sink in.

(And in case you think I don't live dangerously, have you ever thought about the potential personal ramifications of spanking a personal injury lawyer? Fortunately, she was only litigious in her professional life. Still, talk about making sure that you don't accidentally hit the tailbone...)

(By the way, that photo is not her. It's just a general representation of a kinky lawyer. Well, okay, that girl looks young enough that she's probably more likely to pass a candy bar rather than the actual bar, but look, work with me here.)

On the other hand, I also dated an immigration lawyer (who was also very religious) and we were doing the vanilla thing for months as she wasn't aware of my proclivities. Then I smacked her playfully once, and she said "Don't do that. That's creepy." I'm talking about a light touch, not OTK action. So much for the idea that every woman has a secret submissive side!

I think we can consider my experiences to be highly scientific and not all all anecdotal, and the conclusions are as follows: personal injury lawyers go into the profession because they have a bit of an affinity with certain kinds of injury; immigration lawyers need to loosen up.

I had a point to this post. Oh right! My point was that Bonnie deftly shows how the legal profession is rife with kink; you just have to know where to look. It's all in the subtext--in the ebb and flow of language and nuance.

As a silly example, take Julie Bowen's character on the TV show Boston Legal. She's a liberal who fell in love with (and is getting married to) a right-wing marine type. Why is that? The show doesn't spell it out--despite its numerous spanking references (something with which its star, James Spader, is of course completely unfamiliar)--but I think we all know why she'd fall for such a stern, no-nonsense complete opposite.

Have fun trying to sit down at the office from now on, Julie...

10 Ten Ordinary Phrases that Makes a Spanko Do a Double Take

2008-04-12T21:04:00.001-07:00

1. "Let's go visit the home utensils section."

2. "I just need more discipline in my life."

3. "That's really a sore subject with me."

4. "Hey, McClintock is on TV!"

5. "Maggie Gyllenhaal" (any phrase)

6. "Brand-spanking new" (any phrase)

7. "I need to make a graphical user interface...I'd better get some otk.

8. "Sure, I was on the row team. I was especially good at paddling."

9. "Sure, she married him. He's a strapping young fellow."

And finally, of course:

10. "I'm hungry. I'm in the mood for some spanakopita."

Girl power

2008-04-12T21:03:00.003-07:00

This may be a strange thing to state on a spanking blog, but the fact is, I believe in feminism. Making 70 cents to the dollar for the same labor does not align with my personal beliefs, nor do I think that women should be trapped by the glass ceiling from doing anything that they excel at on an individual basis.

That said, I'm still glad that, often times, it seems as though that women get together and they say "You know, we are women and we do not have to take the patriarchal restrictions placed upon us by men," and some other ones say "Yeah, sing it sister," and after all that is said and done, they still end up beating the heck out of each other with a hairbrush:

Who knows why? Maybe they blister each other's hides because they have '80s hair?

Oh sure, they might get a little girly and use a heart-shaped paddle, but really that doesn't do much to soften the blow.

But at least, unlike a sexist, patriarchal male spanker, a female spanker will at least let the spankee keep her shirt down instead of gratuitously exposing her breasts so that they wobble after each spanking aftershock, and...

...oh what's that? Never mind...

Harry Potter and the Glowing Hairbrush

2008-04-12T21:03:00.001-07:00

Next week I'm taking a much-deserved mini-vacation in Tahoe, which happpens to be the same time as the final Harry Potter book is released. Anyone who gives away the ending to me before I've had a chance to read it will end up very much like this:

It's not that I'm a huge Potter dork, but hey, I read the books and I liked them and I don't want the ending spoiled. Although I can tell you, if it ends in a diner with a 10-second blackout, J.K. Rowling has a paddling coming that's not to be believed.

I was dragged to see the recent movie, Order of the Phoenix. I didn't especially want to, because it was easily the worst of the books. And it ended up reminding of one of the book's many flaws: a character named Dolores Umbridge keeps threatening to "punish the naughty schoolchildren." But does she make with the corporal punishment? No, she does something disturbing with a magic quill pen instead.

Look, Dolores, this is how you punish student wizards:

I always knew I liked Snape!

Talking Smack(s) with Abigail Whittaker

2008-04-12T21:02:00.003-07:00

There’s a relatively new face in the spanking scene—Abigail Whittaker. She’s been a Gal Friday co-star in several Firm Hand Spanking videos, as well as appeared in her own segments which have featured some extremely...noteworthy...spanking, strapping, and other corporal-minded scenes.

In watching her, my sense was that she wasn’t just doing it for the fortune and glory but was truly one of us. The post below confirms that without a doubt. Friends, I give you the interview debut of Abigail Whittaker.

Quick Facts:
Age: 21
Height: 5'5''
Location: Midwest
Relationship Status: Single

When I told you that I wrote a site called Spanking Central, you rather amusingly said "The M/M site? I subscribed to that, it was hot!" I take it that you're not just a model/actress, but a full-fledged spanko. How long have you had the bug? And forgive the completely cliche question, but were you spanked growing up?

The bug was hatched when I was born. My earliest memory is spanking related! And no...I was spanked very very rarely growing up (but a few occasions). Even at age 4 I was verbally daring my dad to spank me, but he just never took the bait! (Would have made his job a lot easier, had he!)

Have you subscribed to a lot of spanking sites?

I've subscribed to all of them, practically, at some point or another! The day of my 18th birthday I subscribed to three sites...but was pissed I had to pay. I thought "cyber age" was just verifying your age...not monetarily subscribing!

Ha. It’s possible a few readers might be able to relate to your plight…

How did you get into the spanking industry?

I was interning in Europe, when I decided to visit my good real-life friend, Samantha Woodley. She was doing a shoot at the time and invited me to try it out...I had been being asked for years since I started going to parties, but had always declined. After discussing it with her, and she can be VERY persuasive, I decided to go ahead and try.

If Sam’s your real-life friend, it definitely explains why you shoot together so often, and I’ve noticed that she often sings your praises in interviews. But c’mon…what's the real story? You're constantly backstabbing each other on the set, right?

Haha! Well like I said, we are good friends in real life, nice and close. We have each other's backs. What happens more often is we gang up on those poor souls who attempt to perform as spankers for our scenes...both on and off the set!

No doubt. Now… I'm a HUGE Bond fan. What can you tell me about your soon-to-arrive DVD with Firm Hand, "The Spy Who Spanked Me?

What's it worth to you???

Nice. Here I am, trying to conduct an interview, and you’re acting up. I get the feeling that you can’t actually turn that off…

Well...I suppose I'm lucky, cuz I don't have to do anything. I don't even see Abi as a character. It's really just me...I'm that kind of smart-assed, sarcastic, cocky young lady that you see on screen to both spankos and vanillas alike in my life.

Ha! I love that! Uh…I mean…BAD GIRL.

:-) As for "The Spy Who Spanked Me," it was a film shot on location around Europe, which is exciting in itself. Besides the spanking scenes, there are a lot of plot scenes that are a foundation to make a pretty elaborate story. We put a LOT of effort and hours into making the video and all involved feel that it's going to be very obvious to anyone who watches it! And...there could be a sequel if we get enough positive feedback! So be sure to check it out.

Are you working with/considering working with any other industry players other than Firm Hand?

Well, I've been scheduled twice to work with Shadowlane, and both times there have been circumstances that have halted it. Once was extreme, where I actually got into an accident on my way to the airport....it was blizzarding out. I'm hoping sometime in the fall to make it out to shoot with them. Dallas' site is another possibility. We'll see.

Dallas? Ouch. Now what's a particularly memorable spanking scene you can remember, either personal or professional?

There are many memorable personal ones I can remember... but you'll just have to use your imagination on those! :-) The most memorable, probably, on set, was the one where Samantha and I threw bread at "Uncle Tim." The man playing him was just so taken aback and surprised that the bread bounced off his head and he just blinked....we collapsed in laughter. We often do that on the set....Firmhand does some great editing.

So there’s so much bratting on the set that not all of it even makes the final cut...the mind boggles.

What can you tell us about your "non spanking" life?

I'll give you a few random facts. I'm a major dork. I ride motorcycles. I don't like chocolate. People call me "sheepdog,” because of my hair. I can't grow my bangs out, because every time I try, they impale my eyes and I just end up cutting them again. Sigh.

And now a series of "quickies," asking you your preferences:

Hand or paddle?

Hand, by far, although I like leather paddles.

OTK or over sofa?

OTK, preferring the contact.

Fun or discipline?

Fun...um and if you prefer discipline, then it's probably not real discipline anyway, in the traditional sense. I receive both.

Schoolgirl or stewardess?

Schoolgirl, but haven't ever tried stewardess. I don't think I could be nice to all those plane-riding jackasses, even in roleplay.

I think I sense the "real life" brat again...

Best pizza topping?

Mushrooooooms

Favorite band?

Imogen Heap...maybe. I have too many favorites to pick, I suppose.

Favorite quote?

"If it weren't for my horse, I'd never have went to college..." (Don't ask.)

Folks, she was a spanko at age four, she likes Imogen Heap, and she’s funny. In fact, the only thing I take issue with--and it's not nice to contradict the interviewee--but if you look up "dork" in the dictionary, do you think there's a picture of THIS next to it?

I have a feeling we will see many great things in store from this naturally talented and inherently impish young spankophile. Thanks Abi!

Our team is way better than their team

2008-04-12T21:02:00.001-07:00

One true mark (no pun intended) of a spanko is his or her ability to remember pop culture quotes related to spanking long after the fact.

One of my favorites occurred in an old '90s TV show called "Cupid," which you've never heard of but I watched every episode. Jeremy Piven was the star and he uttered the following deathless bit of dialogue:

"Coffee without the caffeine. Can someone explain that to me? It's like sex without the spanking."

True that, Piven, and here are five good reasons.

1. A beautiful woman is always beautiful, but beauty alone can be cold and unengaging, like a black and white photograph. After a spanking? It's as though that woman suddenly snaps into vivid, glorious technicolor.

2. The little gasp she makes as she realizes you're about to pull down her panties, and her vain swipe with her hand as she struggles to keep the fabric up and safely around her hips.

3. During the spanking, the heat and the intensity do not simply emanate from her sore bottom. Because of your own flushed skin, they seem to hit you from everywhere--as though you're standing underneath the Arizona sun.

4. That moment of control when she tries to protect herself with her little hand and you place that hand firmly in the square of her back.

5. That moment of trust when she surprisingly reaches up and clasps your non-spanking hand until it forms a starfish of heat, a feeling of unparalleled intimacy even while her backside is being tanned.

I'm sure vanillas have their fun too, but damned if I know how.

Woodn't it be nice?

2008-04-12T21:01:00.003-07:00

One of the problems that plague most people of a spankophile nature is the sometimes harsh divide between fantasy and reality. In my own case, I am a huge fan of wooden paddles--but they don't always work well in real life because any paddle with a decent amount of heft is liable to end a scene pretty quickly.

This is why leather advocates go up in arms all the time about the flexibility and longevity that belts and straps provide. And hey, I'm all about belts and straps.

(And have you ever noticed how factionalized a bunch of spankophiles get? We're already about as niche you you can be, but you've still got teams going "OTK!" "No, over the sofa!" "Leather!" "Hairbrushes!" Hey, slow down people--we need to stick together. After all, it's just us standing between the horde of middle-of-the-road, braindead masses who would rather watch The World According to Jim than give or receive a good spanking.)

But there's something about the pure, unforgiving power of a wooden paddle--the real estate it covers, the shock of its thud hitting the skin, the schoolroom aesthetic that it calls into play.

The trick is to use a paddle sparingly, and if you're going to use a fairly decent or thick one, don't expect a long playing time--because there's very few butts who can really hold up to extensive play.

(Well, okay, except for Rosaleen Young. You go, girl! Oh wait...you already did and left the industry. I guess the paddle was a bit too harsh for you.)

But even when you exhaust the paddling possibilities in real life, there's always fantasy...

Car-rear

2008-04-12T21:01:00.001-07:00

It's not fair, Alison thought. I worked hard in high school, put my own way through college, and this is the thanks I get.

Tall and firm, with an athlete's body, the lovely brunette had no idea how she found herself in such a position. She had been so excited for her first job interview. Her prospective new boss seemed so energetic, so ready to help her advance to the next stage in her career.

I warn you, though--I can be demanding. In remembering his remark, which he had made with a kindly smile, Alison felt the irony pound in her head like a third glass of wine.

But how could she have known what he really meant?

She could always quit, of course. There's other jobs for an attractive, hard-working girl intent on making it up the corporate ladder. But this job has connections. It has promise for her career like nothing else she'd seen. So what if she has to put up with some...discomfort?

Some embarrassment?

Even now, her bottom throbbed. She had just looked at it in the mirror before she left for work, and it was still red and somewhat chafed, like a bruised apple. She had slept on her stomach the night before, and cancelled her date with her boyfriend. What if they had decided to sleep together and she had taken off her clothes? She didn't want to have to explain.

The worst thing was having to go to work the next day in business attire. Her smart, conservative gray suit rubbed against her sore, abraded skin like the rough side of a sponge.

And the worst thing wasn't that she'd have to sit down at her desk, exacerbating the discomfort. No, the worst thing was...he wasn't finished with her.

We can't abide mistakes with Excel calculations, he had said. I'm afraid one punishment won't be enough. You can expect one every day this week.

And it was only Wednesday. To think how sore she'd be by Friday...it was almost beyond her imagining.

But as she arrived to her building, went up the elevator, and weaved her way around the maze of cubicles to find her desk, she felt a grim resolve.

Suck it up. Stop complaining. This is what you've signed up for. You can take the pain and the embarrassment...because you're going to get farther ahead in this job, and faster, than you ever thought possible.

Yet, as soon as she sat down, her phone lit up.

"It's time," crackled the voice on the other end. And she knew he was rolling up his sleeves and putting a chair out in the middle of his plush, immaculately decorated office.

And soon she'd be over his lap.

The carpet a sea of geometric confusion, just inches from her eyes.

Her body barely woken up from a deep sleep, yet her already sore bottom being struck until it was a glowing, stinging light.

"Coming sir," Alison rose. She smoothed out her skirt and brushed the hair out of her eyes.

Suck it up.

Winners don't quit.

This will help you in the end.

And she walked with resolute purpose into her boss's office.

Fight or flight

2008-04-12T21:00:00.001-07:00

Every spankee is a little different. In talking to a new one, I was surprised to find out that she liked to fight.

"I don't just go over someone's knee," she said. "You have to catch me and make me do it. I don't just stand there and let it happen."

Which is actually a bit of a problem.. After all, I keep myself in shape--I run several times a week, and also lift--but I'm not the Hulk. When it comes right down to it, it's extremely difficult to physically overpower a grown woman put her over your knee. When it comes to adult spanking, there's always some sort of consent given--a submission--a surrendering as she says or thinks "Well, this is what I deserve," and lays herself across your lap.

(Have you ever noticed that most spanking videos get this part completely wrong? There's usually a really awkward moment as the spanker grabs the spankee in a show of force, but it's really pathetically obvious that this moment has been badly rehearsed as the spankee gingerly ends up over the person's knee.)

Fortunately, I'm okay with defiance. In fact, I prefer it (who wants to spank a doormat? Might as well beat a rug). As long as no one's fighting back to the point of endangering the family jewels, I say bring it. Because, as the situation in question ended up proving, it's not just the physical conflict that wins the day...it's the psychological.

- Make her understand that it's for her own good.
- Make her understand that it's because she's cared for.
- Make her understand that it will make her feel better in the long run.

Do that, and she can run as far as she wants...but there's no way to escape what's waiting.

Nonetheless, if this sort of trend keeps up, I'm going to have to get a personal trainer. The last thing I need is to push myself beyond my limits and go all Heath Ledger.

A Spanker's New Years Resolutions

2008-04-12T20:59:00.001-07:00

10. Teach spanking classes at local community college. Use complicated graphs and flow charts. Ask for frequent student volunteers.

9. Build more walls, allowing more space for corner time.

8. Read more books, then use them as spanking implements. Special emphasis for Pulitzer and Booker finalists (they have more pages).

7. File for worker's compensation at work; claim "spanker's cramp."

6. Invent new sound effects for spanking fiction. Retire "Thwackk" or at least add an extra "K" for variety.

5. Lobby to create a "red state." Not for Republicans...for spankos.

4. Invent new lies to tell neighbors--e.g. "Those loud noises? I'm just building an ark."

3. Submit "OTK" to O.E.D.

2. Stock more guest pillows. Not for sleeping, for sitting.

1. Discover the joys of switching.........over to decaf once in a while.

Happy 2008!

In fashion, old fashioned

2008-04-12T20:58:00.004-07:00

There's spanking models who do it for profit. There's spanking models who do it for fun and profit. And then there's spanking models who do it just for fun!

Deep in a hidden corner of the Interwebs--it rhymes with "Schmy Schpace"--you might happen to chance across Veronica, known to her legion of fans as Old Fashioned Girl. A frequently spanked girl who routinely posts pictures of her punishments, she is remarkable because she is able to take great shots while still doing an excellent job of concealing her identity:

What I like about Veronica is her sense of humor and overall feeling of fun. Although she never posts about her life--all we know is that she's engaged to her spank-friendly fiancee (good for her!)--she often photoshops her pictures to reveal a fantasy or simply make a joke:

She manages to convey the sense that she doesn't take herself or her kink very seriously, but nonetheless is able (and desiring) of taking a pretty good spanking on occasion:

She asked me to go easy on the pic posting, which I understand. A girl's got to have her privacy. But I thought even a small sampling of her work was worthy of a new audience. Because, really, doesn't the world need more Old Fashioned Girls?

Making a racket

2008-04-12T20:58:00.003-07:00

You know, I can occasionally string some words together that, on some lucky days, vaguely approximate something like "writing." But I am hopeless with Photoshop or anything that involves graphic design. Many times, I envy people like Dave who totally have those mad skillz, because doesn't this picture just cry out (no pun intended) for a Photoshopped paddle?

(It's not a trick question, people. The answer is "YES.")

I actually like the idea of paddling a tennis player and keeping count in a way that she'd understand: "(WHACK!) 18 Love... (WHACK!) 19 Love... (WHACK!) 20 Love... (WHACK!)..."

UPDATE: Whoa, Chross actually did it. And it's great!

Well, well

2008-04-12T20:58:00.001-07:00

This is probably the dorkiest post I've ever done but I sort of have to get it off my chest. One of my favorite bands these days is Franz Ferdinand, with their almost irritating catchiness and uncanny ability to mix together splashes of indie, synth, new wave, and electro rock. I can never play their songs just once, and "Lindsey Wells" is no exception:

The problem is, this track always makes me think of Pixie Wells from Punished Brats. (Not the video, mind you--just the song.) The "Wells" in the name is obviously the main reason, but there's also the lyric: "Your Celtic hair/Flicks round your face like flames around the sun."

See, I'm not crazy. She's totally got that going on:

On top of that, the song's narrator suggests that he's a little starstruck with the object of his attention: "Oh Lindsey Wells/How I wish that I could feel so good/I wish that I could be as good as you."

See what I mean? Don't tell me you wouldn't get a little starstruck around Pixie if you met her. Also, sometimes she gets a little "struck" herself.

The moral of this post, aside that I obviously ate too much mince pie over the weekend, is that it's truly amazing how much the spanko consciousness seeps into every aspect of our beings.

Next on Spanking Central! Why the Official Moscow Marching Band Society makes Tim think about Rosaleen Young.

Spanksgiving

2008-04-12T20:57:00.003-07:00

Let's give thanks for:

Paddles that don't break

Bruises that don't linger

Corners. Where would you put brats if all rooms were circle-shaped?

The seemingly inexhaustible supply of cute girls who are willing to be spanked on camera for money (thanks girls, grab a pillow on your way out):

Stern disciplinarians (hey, we need a shout out too)

People who read blogs (I love all six of you)

Non-mumbled safewords

Vanillas (hey, without them, it would be really hard to find my favorite implements in stock at Stormy Leather in San Francisco)

Coffee. Not spanking related, but I mean, c'mon.

People who update their spanking blogs more than once a month...er, oops.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Converts

2008-04-12T20:57:00.001-07:00

I'm fascinated by the women who are on the fence.

They're the ones who aren't aware. They're the ones who haven't faced it. They may understand the term "kink" but never applied it to themselves.

And yet they get a bit of a glow when you give them a gentle but firm order. They relax into a blissful daze when you start to take control. Their eyes go wide with pleasured surprise when you pin their wrists behind their back. They give a brief, happy "OH" when you plant your palm into the back of their jeans.

Will you ever actually get to the point when they're across your knee, squirming to avoid each stinging smack to their bare bottom?

There's a good chance. If you're careful, slow, and deliberate.

Don't get me wrong. I also love the lifelong aficionados like me--the ones who dog-eared their parents' dictionaries while they looked up the word "spanking" and all its synonyms. The ones who stared at the cover of Nancy Drew novels and thought "Nice bondage; now she just needs a tanning." The ones who tried out the wooden spoons in the kitchen on themselves.

But it's even more fascinating to meet the ones whose need to be disciplined is deep beneath the surface. Oh, it can be teased out. It can be raised up. But it's ever, ever so delicate to find just the right alchemy of control, care, firmness, discipline, and empathy. It's like a knot that you're gently untying, or a new tune that you're trying to piece together on the piano. Don't rush it or it's lost.

Do it right, and our team grows by one...

10 Signs that a Girl May Be Into Spanking

2008-04-12T20:56:00.002-07:00

You know, I get a lot of mail here at "Spanking Central." Of course, all of it has subject lines like "Do you want to pleasuzre her?! qquttttq"

But if I did get non-spam mail, I bet it would ask the very common question: "How do I know if a girl is into spanking?" The good news is, there are some very common signs that can help you figure out if she shares your interest.

So, for the benefit of the spanking community, I'd like to present ten signs that a girl may be into spanking.

1. Every other phrase out of her mouth is "So? What you going to do about it?"

2. She has a lot of wooden spoons, but she never cooks.

3. She has a lot of paddles, but she says she's allergic to canoes.

4. She says "Hi! My name is Samantha Woodley."

5. She takes a running jump, flops across your lap, and says "Don't worry, I'm just practicing a new yoga position.

6. You pull out her chair for her at the restaurant, and she says "Don't bother--to be honest, I'm going to have to eat standing up."

7. She says, "Some people think I need self-discipline. They're only half right."

8. Her gifts entire consist of new belts. And they're all too big for you.

9. She keeps backing up her butt into your palm and saying "Ouch." And then doing it again.

10. She tries to convince you that every day is her birthday.

These are all pretty subtle, of course, so you'll need to train yourself to pay close attention to both nuance and detail. But if you have your eyes and ears open, you may find there's a spanko standing right in front of you. Good luck!

C'mon feel the noise

2008-04-12T20:56:00.001-07:00

Spanking afficionados are the only people on Earth who want to get rich so they can buy enough land that they can engage in spanking acts without upsetting the neighbors. I love the fact that Pixie just bought a house with a woodshed. And you know exactly how the conversation went with her boyfriend:

"We get to have a woodshed!"

"Great, that will sure come in handy!"

"Yeah, and maybe one day we'll even put wood in it!"

I live in enough of an urban setting that I have to be careful about that stuff too. My neighbors are likely to hear, to paraphrase Simon & Garfunkel, the Sounds of Spanking.

Here's a few tips to set the stage during your day-to-day life so, when you actually are spanking someone, your neighbors won't think twice about it:

1. Constantly bang coconuts together; tell your neighbors that you belong to a Monty Python society and enjoy re-enacting key scenes from their movies.

2. That will also come in handy when you start up the spanking; just yell something about lighting the Grail-Shaped beacon.

3. Play CDs of the Yugoslavian Bottle Breaking and Marching society. Lots of percussion in that.

4. Beat a lot of towels out on your balcony.

5. Play the Secretary DVD frequently and at full volume. Then no one will be able to tell fantasy from reality when you shift into real-life Edward Grey mode.

Don't get me wrong--I'm not in the least embarrassed of my spanko identity. But there's a lot of elderly women nearby, and I don't want to frighten them. Or worse--not frighten them and have to answer their requests for their own discipline. Look, I definitely believe that you're never too old for a spanking, but I'm not really the one to administer punishment to 80-year old brats.

Even though they do come with their own canes.

Take two

2008-04-12T20:55:00.003-07:00

I recently saw an advance copy of the "Heroes" Season One DVD set. I was very interested in the following deleted scene, which I've transcribed for my fellow fans:

----
Peter: Claire, I'm afraid I made a mistake.

Claire: What's wrong, Peter?

Peter: When Hiro visited me from the future, he didn't actually say 'Save the cheerleader, save the world.'

Claire: What? Sure he did!

Peter: No, he was mumbling. His english isn't great.

Claire: Well, what exactly did he--HEY!

(Peter hoists Claire up over his knee, flips up the red skirt of her cheerleading outfit, and spanks her hard with his hand. She cries and yelps but he holds her firm, delivering a series of blazing smacks that light up her bottom and send a pulsing wave of pink down underneath her panties, like spilled raspberry jam.

Claire: Ow! Ow! OW!! Peter, I really don't think he said--HEY!

(Peter has pulled down her cheerleader panties and continues to apply the harsh treatment to her bare bottom.

Peter: See, if I SPANK the cheerleader, it sends off a wave of energy that allows us to track Sylar, and--

Claire: Oh for God's sake, spank me if you must! But please spare me the technobabble!

---

Personally, I don't think they should have deleted that scene. It would have improved the show immensely. Now if only they could do something about the acting. And maybe the special effects. And maybe the pacing. And...

Slappe stick

2008-04-12T20:55:00.001-07:00

Here's a drawing I scanned from a pin-up bondage book called, and I'm not making this up, "Haunted House of Lingerie."

I know that it's bad form to subject true works of art to dry academic scrutiny, but I'm afraid I have to ask a series of questions that are keeping me up at night:

The Headmaster's name is "Slappe"? What is the likelihood of a spanking Headmaster actually having the name "Slappe"?
If the Headmaster is apparently a ghost, what did he die of? Bad clothes and hair?
How can he grip that paddle (and use it) if he is, in fact, a ghost?
What exactly is the schoolgirl looking at that's so naughty? A man's nipple? What would happen to her if she was caught looking at two nipples?

Oh well. I suppose too much analysis really does ruin the effect. I still think an art critic could write a veritable thesis about this, though.

Porter Ph.D.

2008-04-12T20:54:00.003-07:00

Of the many things that other people like that I just don't get, Howard Stern ranks high on the list. Still, I have to give the guy props for having a Robospanker on his show and using it on various attractive guests who drop by.

Haydn Porter is an 18-year old Playboy model who claims to be a mensa-level genius. However, when she was unable to answer some problem solvers, Stern unleashed the Robospanker:

Despite her shy manner on the show, she's gone whole hog for the resulting publicity, putting up a web site and basically seeking fame and fortune. And, y'know, there's nothing wrong with that.

(Well, unless you're Katie Spades. Oh yeah, I went there!)

Anyway, I don't think Haydn is really one of us, but at least she took a light spanking on her way to the top. That's the kind of starlet career trajectory I can get behind. If you'll pardon the pun.

Haydn does the shamless exhibition thing on her site.

Checkout girl.

2008-04-12T20:54:00.001-07:00

This spanking blog is different from other spanking blogs in one important way: it has fewer readers. But also because from time to time I may post a bit of fiction that I, your humble author, scribed on his own. Here's a daydream I had the other day after a particularly annoying stint with my shopping list:

I'm in a crowded supermarket, having my groceries rung up. People with their shopping carts form a long line behind me. The attractive but bored-looking girl behind the counter pops her bubblegum and seems to be listening to some ridiculous pop beat in her head while her fingers glide lazily over the buttons of the cash register.

I suddenly notice that she's overcharged me. I say, "Hey there's only one steak, not two."

"It's fine, " she snaps, annoyed that I'm interrupting the flow of whatever inane song lyric is flowing through her head.

"Delete the second charge." I'm getting more annoyed.

"Chill out, it's no big deal." She looks at me now, her blue eyes flashing.

"Delete the second charge, " I say very slowly, "Or instead of going home after your shift and sitting down on a nice chair, you'll be still standing--because I'm going to tan your backside the color of a can of 2-for-1 Heinz tomatoes."

She snorts. "Oh whatever!"

Before you can say "Sale on Aisle Five, " I've pulled her across the counter. Wearing loose, brown, uniform-mandated slacks, she has no way to protect herself as suddenly her pantied-covered bottom is visible to the entire store--and she's too surprised to clutch at her underwear before it's pulled down to her ankles.

"Let go of me!" she shrieks, but it's too late: before the awestruck eyes of the other shoppers, her bare bottom goes right over my knee. Keeping her still by scissoring her between my legs and holding her hands behind her back with my left hand, I raise my right hand and bring it down hard on her upturned rear end.

"Ow! OWW! Put me down right now!" But the sound of my hand against her bottom rings out across the entire store, and her pale skin quickly blushes dark red under the blistering rain of over two dozen smacks. Amazed, no one moves--they simply watch the smartmouthed girl get an overdue lesson in customer service.

Finally I let her go. She falls to the floor crying, and quickly scrambles away so she can pull up her panties and protect her already ruined modesty.

As I get to my feet and brush off some of the dust, I'm surprised to see a nearby security guard who was standing nearby and watching the whole thing.

"Aren't you supposed to stop disturbances, or something?" I ask him.

"SHE was the disturbance, " the guard replies. "She's been spoiled and lazy on the job for months. Thanks for helping us keep the peace!"

I look over at the girl. She's still sniffling and looks absolutely miserable, but she also looks at me contritely. I know that she's not likely to overcharge anyone--at least until she's able to sit comfortably again.

Now if only someone could do something about the price of milk.

Youth today.

2008-04-12T20:53:00.001-07:00

One thing I find amazing about being a 30something spankophile is all the young blood on the block. When I was a young turk, spanking simply wasn't discussed outside of furtive viewings of "McClintock" or "All of Me." (Boy, did I rewind and rewatch the scene in the latter film quite often.)

But now we've got the likes of Samantha Woodley:

As well as her coterie of friends and associates, such as Sierra, Lizzy, and Pixie, just to name a few off the top of my head.

Do we like these young ladies? Oh, we do. And the only problem?

Where were they when I was that age? The spank-friendly girls were hiding behind their pleated skirts and knee-high socks, completely disguising their true nature! And we had no Internets to help ferret them out.

Boy, and I thought growing up in the '80s was bad just because you had to listen to Wham! over and over.

Ironically, it looks as thought Sam is about to listen to a very different kind of Wham! over and over. Choose Ice!